That's because precisely 11 people have access to it, and every one of the 11 have seen me at my best and at my worst.
I realized something not long ago...somewhere, somehow I have lost my voice...and the
reasons are too complicated, too personal, and don't belong here.
But what remnants that are left, what words I can still manage to string together keep showing up on my Facebook.
Some days they just explode.
Kind of like fireworks.
My daughters keep getting requests from their friends to "friend me", well, because everybody likes fireworks.
But, being the wise women that they are, they have been keeping me on a tight leash, knowing the struggles I am having finding my voice again after almost everything in my life has been shaken to the foundations.
They also know the power of words can connect us to the Grace and Power of The Word, The Logos, the source of Life.
They also know that life without words, without voice is the absolute opposite of the Abundant, Joy-filled, life that God created us to live-in communion with Him and with each other.
The last several months, I have found silence easier, but it's not out of self-control, wisdom, or any other high minded ideal. It's probably more because I am sorely lacking in those virtues.
Keeping silent may cut down on falling into sin or just general foolishness, but if you use silence as a way to avoid risk, you may also miss the the whole purpose of The Logos.
It's also one of those gifts that cannot be hoarded, buried, or hidden or only brought out for special, or scripted occasions.
If Faith comes through hearing, if no one speaks, chooses silence out of fear or selfishness, we rob each other of the Grace, Truth and Faith that we are meant to give one another by proclaiming the Gospel, we withhold the fullness of Christ, because the Gospel is not a formula or words or dogma, The Gospel is a Person.
It takes me forever to make connections, as I have confessed here many times.
Well, here's another one.
Every Mass since I became Orthodox closes with the reading of the Last Gospel: John 1:1-14 (multiply 3 Masses/week by about 75....I'm slow, I admit it)
Because of The Word, I exist, I continue to exist, I have been pulled from the devouring darkness back into the Light, I am able to KNOW God and move towards union with Him.
Christ not only restored us to our Father, He made it possible for us to be restored and reconciled to one another, in fact our relationship to God is so entwined with our relationship to each other, one is not possible without the other.
So as the words of the Liturgy, prayer, scripture bring us into communion with God, words have power to bring us into union with each other.
By His Incarnation, everything that He assumed by taking on Flesh, has removed boundaries of of what is Holy and what is not.
Words, speaking, communicating, relationships are all included.
Every moment is open to Grace, every touch, every movement, every word (words of joy, words of lament, words of comfort, words or praise, in short, words that tell the STORIES of salvation, especially your salvation....I haven't found any list of exclusions yet) can be sacramental.
photo Once Upon a Time by artsyevie
So, silence does have a place in our lives, but if we choose to avoid words out of fear or risk, fear of trust, fear of....death, we have chosen to spurn one of the most powerful gifts that God has given.
